Bye Blogspot!

Blogspot was fun.

But it was too public and too tedious for me.

Come visit me at groovejoint.multiply.com. :)

Recap

Since my last post:

• I have been hospitalized again, this time for Asthma-Pneumonia combo. I stayed longer in the hospital this time than the last and the tests run on me were more or less the same except for Arterial Blood Gas which truly was a bitch. Didn't matter that they took only about 10cc of blood, it still hurt three hours after the blood was drawn.
• Also, during my last 48 hours in the hospital, they took off my IV, which I was thankful for because my veins can only handle it for 1.5 days, then they would need to transfer it from one hand to the other because my hand/veins get so swollen.
• They took off the IV, but they left the needle (I think it's just plastic) stuck in my hand, with a cork-like material screwed on top of it so they could still give me my meds intravenously. It looked and felt like I had a giant splinter on my hand which hurt like hell everytime I would accidentally pull it or bump it against something. They injected meds as thick as kiddie cough syrup. So many times I wanted to cry each time the nurses appeared with my meds in the syringe. :p
• I was discharged on a Sunday evening and was armed with a wad of papers which listed down all my prescription meds with separate instructions on how and when to take it. I guess one would need that if one were given 25 pieces of meds to take each day. I'm sorry, Liver. This doesn't make me a Liver-lover, boy.
• I always feel very weak for days after I am released from the hospital. Is that normal or is it just me?
• I quit smoking. I have not had a cigarette for 19 days. I don't crave it which is odd because I've been smoking since I was 18. I hope I am able to keep this up for good.
• Let me tell you that I crave the weirdest food lately, and that I get very annoyed when I am unable to sink my teeth on it for days. The list includes: Pixie's Bangus, Mc Donald's Double Cheeseburger, Becky's Kitchen Swiss Choco Cake, Aglio Olio Anchoyy Pasta, Green Leafy Salad, Fresh Fruit Juices, etc etc.
• Bought brown rice out of curiosity. It's not so bad. It takes longer to cook and kind of tastes like you're eating bloated oatmeal :p
• Also switched to drinking Alkaline water because of Terrie. Now my whole family drinks it, too. Could be good for us since my Mom and I take coffee almost everyday. Balance the acidity and all that jazz.
• Been on YM almost everyday to talk with Jude, who is also almost always at home resting because of her pregnancy.
• Did basic standing and forward yoga poses again yesterday after such a long time, so now my legs are painful.
• Had dinner with Nadine, Dianne, and Raymond last night at my favorite, Yedang, where I stuffed my face with green leafies and mushroom soup. So good, I can eat that every night for dinner. :)
• Received a wonderful gift from Penny in the mail, which made my whole week. :) Thanks, Peng. I will never outgrow Judy Blume.

That's about it lately. I jumped from Blurty to Livejournal to Multiply. LJ was closest to my heart, but I'm giving Blogspot a try. Here's hoping I get to blog more often. :)

Thoughts when one is left alone in Starbucks

Early this week, I was in Starbucks waiting for a meeting to begin.It was very early in the morning and I was not really thinking of anything in particular. Just enjoying my alone time before work begins. There are few people in other tables and it was quiet, just the quiet tapping on keyboards in laptops, the sound of the espresso machine. Nothing else really. It was a beautiful, quiet moment.

Out of nowhere, I just thought about him. I know there is nothing left and everyone has moved on. But I just remembered his voice and the good times we had. And I kind of missed him. Not the aching kind of missing. Just simply thought about him, with no pressing desire to see him or talk with him again. We are after all, oceans away from each other. And I wouldn't really know what to say if we actually saw each other again. Things are better left like it is.

Really no point in this entry. Just to say, after several months, and knowing now that we live in different time zones, I thought about you that morning.

Define Burning Out

Early this year, I was hospitalized for the first time in my life. Nothing serious, but then, there is much to say about being in bed all the time with an IV keeping you immobile. Add to that the slight inconvenience of all the tests being run. After all that, I can say, ahhh the needle is a familiar friend.

After being in the hospital, I celebrated my 30th birthday. It was a quiet surprise dinner organized by my closest friends. I did not have anything planned because I was not yet ready to blow money. I've just paid off a large part of medical bills and the meds are to be maintained for a while. I'm lucky to have the friends I have. It was a fun birthday with good food and great company and lots of delicious cake.

In the summer of this year, I quit my job of five years. I didn't have a back-up plan and have not sent out any applications. I just woke up one day and realized, okay now, today I will quit.

Quitting my job has been on my mind anyway for years now. My work has not made me happy for a long time. I felt no sense of fulfillment or pride. I only really stayed because it was comfortable. I was in a high ranking position and although the stress that came with work never really calmed down, it was familiar. It was a daily battle I have gotten used to. It was the Road Runner to my Wile E. Coyote. But I was not happy for a long time. The only happy times were lunch period, when I would make a beeline for the coffee shop downstairs, get my iced latte and get myself absorbed with the latest book that I was reading. I didn't have the appetite to eat lunch when I am at work and I didn't have the drive to hang out with people. Another happy time is 5PM, when I can finally leave the office and head off to the mall or wherever.

The last few months in the office were long and drawn out and repetitively lonesome. Most of my friends have moved on and resigned already. The few that were left behind were always on field work. All the remaining people who were always in the office were either the top honchos or my staff in my department. I didn't want to impose my presence on them even if they were a bunch of great kids. It was a terrible, miserable time. I was waiting for it to end.

So I resigned, took care of my transition to the new team, and ignored all the temptations of staying or withdrawing my resignation. If I had stayed, I would have no respect left for myself and I would never have been able to leave.

Weeks later, I write this blog entry. Still not working full-time. Sometimes I worry, other times I take it all in stride. Nothing will happen with worrying. I will enjoy this mini-vacation God gave me. He might want me to go back working again soon, when I am recharged and ready.

First Entry

I'm not new to blogging. I have had my share of blogs from different sites, three sites to be exact. Those blogs have served me well, they are still up, but have not been updated for a long time. I got too busy with work and didn't have the time. Or sometimes I would think about blogging something and actually doing it would take too long so I wouldn't have the drive to type it up anymore.

The difference between this blog and the others I have had is that none of my friends know about this... yet. For the moment, I would like to keep this to myself and enjoy the anonymity while I can. Where I can write without worrying if it needs to be filtered from someone, or write about whatever I think of or feel without being judged.

This feels as special as my other, previous blogs already. :)